Wedding Shower Tea

It is also an easy way to give gifts that individually seem insignificant; as a group of such gifts is of great value to the bride-to-be. Shower teas are mostly hosted by the Maid-of-Honour, helped by the bridesmaids. Traditionally, relatives of the bride could not host the party, but it is now acceptable for Mother of the Bride to be involved.

Although a shower tea is traditionally an afternoon tea affair, it can be held at any suitable time of day and in a variety of locations – don't feel restricted to your house or a restaurant. If the bride is a keen golfer, play golf together, or at least meet at the golf club! Maybe go on a picnic or a boat trip down the river...

Before planning anything, it is best to determine a budget and the guest list as both of these will affect how the shower works – for instance, going abseiling with some elderly relatives is probably not a wise choice regardless of the bride's interests! If the shower's in a public place, its okay to ask guests to pay their own way but make sure this information is on the invitation. Etiquette rules that only wedding guests can be invited to the shower, but many people now invite others, too. Just be careful to have more than one non-wedding guest present so she doesn't feel uncomfortable and excluded.

If there's a mix of people present, nametags can be helpful and adding comments on them helps break the ice; eg “I'm Sally and I went to primary school with the Bride.” Playing some games early on also helps to get things started and people mingling. With the involvement of workmates and people from various social groups, some brides actually have more than one shower thrown for them. And that's not including any hens' nights!

Surprise shower teas are best avoided, as they are very risky. If the bride is involved, you can be sure she'll be there and that the guests she wants are present. Many brides have definite ideas about their wedding, and an unplanned shower may upset her plans. That's not to say that other aspects of the shower can be kept secret from the bride; perhaps invite some special guests she doesn't know about or keep the theme a surprise.

Bridal showers are held 2 to 6 weeks before the wedding, although it can be closer to the big day if many out-of-town guests are coming to the wedding itself. Invitations should be sent out about 4 weeks earlier, maybe 6 weeks for those travelling some distance. Phone call invitations are acceptable, especially for casual showers, but written invitations are always appreciated – and the bride may be able to use matching thank you cards. The shower is part of the overall wedding celebration, so it's nice to have lots of photos of the day. A few people may bring cameras, but it is worth having someone appointed as “camera woman” for the day to make sure lots of photos are taken.

Showers can have themes – games, gifts, dress codes, food, decorations and so on can then all blend together. A really nice touch to the day is forming something the bride can keep as a memento. It could be a signature bear, a small album, something from the party (eg the bride's glove at a formal party, a tea towel at a traditional shower) or even a scrapbook each guest contributes to on the day (pre-warn them to bring photos etc!).

Whilst organizing the shower, keep a notebook of details – menu list, guest list & replies, etc – that can then go to the bride. If the gifts are recorded in this notebook as they are opened, it also makes it easy for the bride to do thank you notes afterwards. Basically, the bridal shower is a special day where her close females friends and family can celebrate with the bride before her big day. It doesn't have to be a big or extravagant event, just something that comes from her good friends. Aim for some fun, and enjoy!